Remember the infamous clash of egos in the Dallas Cowboys organization between owner Jerry Jones and head coach Jimmy Johnson? Jones always wanted to be seen as "one of the boys", dancing on the sidelines with the players and taking credit for the team`s success in a manner that would have you believe he won those games all by himself. So naturally he became irate when the media rightfully pitted Johnson as the real architect of the club`s capturing two Superbowl titles in the early 90s (thus stealing his thunder), and he did what any egotistical asshead owner with a level of opportunism only rivalled by Apprentice villainess Omarosa would do: canned Johnson. After two Superbowls. And what have they done since?

Well, this is the Vancouver hockey equivalent of that. First, a little history for the uninitiated:

Brian Burke, one-time minor hockey league player who decided that an education was more important than a slim chance at a professional hockey contract, went to Harvard and studied law. He came out in 1987 a grizzled keener of the seedier side of sports business. With an irish temperment, a frank, no-nonsense approach to negotiating, and a Harry Truman-esque "The buck stops here" sensibility, Brian Burke very quickly rubbed people the wrong way. But that didn`t seem to matter, because he got the job done. Earnest, straight-forward, with little tolerance for polijargon, Brian Burke was a refreshing change from the usual boring, monotonous "safe" answers that sports personalities gave. Love him or hate him, the man was damned quotable.

His first desk job in the NHL was with.......the Vancouver Canucks. In 1988 the team was in the dumps, going nowhere, one of the perennial bottom-feeders of the NHL. Then General Manager Pat Quinn hired Burke as his right-hand man, and the team almost immediately began to turn around. Keen drafting, important trades and key acquisitions culminated with their first playoff appearance in 89, their winningest seasons ever in 91 and 92, and coming to within a post of winning the Stanley Cup in 94. Quinn and Burke were unbeatable as a tandem, and Vancouver enjoyed, for the first time in franchise history, being an elite team.

The nail that sticks up will be hammered down, Brian. Even if it`s the best one of the bunch.

As if reading the minds of the fans, the Canucks brass did just that: fired Quinn, wrested Brian Burke from the clutches of the NHL, and started rebuilding again after their worst season ever in 99: second last in the entire league. And just as predicted, the team rebounded for a remarkable turn-around in 2000, made the playoffs in 2001, became an elite team in 2002, had their best season in franchise history in 2003, and finally won the Northwest Division title from the powerhouse Avalanche this past season. During this tenure, he also won the NHL award for Executive of the Year and married local broadcasting sweetheart Jennifer Mather. Brian Burke could do no wrong. He was literally a living god to Vancouver hockey fans. Everywhere he went, everything he did, he excelled at an unparalleled level. The man had the Midas Touch, and the buzz around Vancouver was that the team was just a year or two and a couple key acquisitions away from a Stanley Cup.

Then, the news today, delivered by Orca Bay President (read as: little weasel businessman who knows jack shit about hockey) Stan McCammon:

"The Vancouver Canucks have made the decision not to extend Brian Burke`s contract."

Clearly, in order to move forward, Burke was moving us forward but not in the forward direction that we want. We want to go a different forward. Yeah, that`s it.

"Making the right choice for General Manager is critical to a team’s success in the NHL. We are comfortable with our review and its outcome, and we expect that a new General Manager will be in place shortly."

Wait a second. So that means Brian Burke was the wrong choice, and his turning the team into the envy of the league and sports rebuilding programs was a bad move? Shit, then what sort of General Manager are you looking for, God? McCammon stammers the next part:

"Well...look, I mean...uhh..we owe it to him...the fact of the matter is we`re comfortable in our assessment, we`re comfortable in the things we believe to be important. I think the judgments that we exhibited in the past would hopefully speak for themselves going forward. And umm...you know, I just don`t believe it`s appropriate at this point to get into those factors because some of those can be perceived by any one or individual to be negative, some can be positive, and its my believe that we`re better served by looking at the future and saying we`re prepared to move on and I think people will be satisfied by that ultimately."

Allow me to say what we`re all thinking here: McCammon, just what the fuck are you talking about?!?! People who say that they are "ready to move on" really mean that if they dwell any longer on the subject people are going to smell their bullshit, so they try to sweep it under the rug and change the subject. The truth is--as has been speculated in Vancouver media for quite awhile now--there was a personality clash. Burke did not get along with the Canucks brass, probably because they didn`t like how well he did his job. But of course they wouldn`t admit to that, being the two-faced bitches that they are. The Orca Bay sheen on the relationship is:

"Brian has played a pivotal role in the improvement and success of the Canucks over the past six years and we appreciate his dedication and contributions. He deserves a great deal of credit and we wish him and his family the very best for the future."

Then why are you firing him, you fucking morons? You don`t see highschool teachers fail students because they get straight As, do you? The guy gets the job done. What more do you want? You don`t have to like him, but deepsixing the team`s future just because of some catfight is downright petty. After this fiasco, I can understand why Burke and the Canucks vultures don`t get along. He is straight and to the point. He says what he means, and doesn`t pull his punches. The Orca Bay Group are business execs with beedy little eyes scurrying about on all fours, scowling, hissing, and obfuscating their true intentions every chance they get. For an example, here`s some more reasoning in extra-special corporatise speak by stoolie Stan McCammon:

"I think what we need to focus on isn`t so much what we`ve done but where we believe we need to go, and that`s really at the heart of our analysis and at the root of the decision. We`ve considered the factors, and we believe that going forward we`ve got the ability to improve on that. And I think that`s a positive thing and the thing that I`d like to add to that is our objectives haven`t changed with this franchise. We continue to have precisely the same fans that the Vancouver Canucks do, which is to field the most competitive, successful on-ice hockey team we can and we`ll continue to provide the resources that will continue to get us there on a sustained and maintainable basis."

Ummmmm....where do you think you need to go? Isn`t that the direction Brian Burke was taking the team? What else do you want, the players to fucking fly or something? Do you want 80 wins a season? Would you like the arena to travel with them on road trips so they can play in it every night?

So Brian Burke--the Julius Caesar of the Vancouver Canucks--is gone, assassinated by corporate moguls jealous of his growing ambition. But don`t worry about him. He won`t stay unemployed for long. The man has a 100% success rate in turning failed hockey franchises around. By the end of the day, in fact, he had received two offers from Chicago and Boston. Whichever one he chooses, watch them hoist the cup in five years. As for the Canucks, it seems for the interim the duties of GM are being handed to Burke`s right-hand man, Dave Nonis. At the most Orca Bay may just be buttering up the administration of the team in preparation for a sale (something they`ve hinted at for several years). But what I think is probably closer to the truth is that Orca Bay did not like the fact that they were not in charge of something. In the business world, control and authority is more important than legitimate success, and any owner/manager/executive won`t even think twice about cutting down their star employee (or employees, or divisions of employees), just so they can show that they have the power to do it.

And companies wonder why their workers aren`t so enthusiastic about working for them anymore.

This article ends with a few of Brian Burke`s better one-liners. So long Brian. Vancouver will miss you.

“Our goaltender can be identified by the large pads and mask that he wears. He`s also the goaltender on the ice that does not dive when he gets brushed.”

“Hockey isn’t a game in Canada: it’s a religion.”

“Todd Bertuzzi does not play for Detroit. It just looks that way because he’s wearing two or three red sweaters at a time.”

“Sedin is not Swedish for punch me and headlock me in a scrum.”

“I have no use for [local newspaper and pseudo-tabloid] The Province. Both my dogs are house-broken.”

"Good, so he`s going back to $65 a week?"
-- on word that free agent Peter Schaefer was skating with the WHL`s Vancouver Giants

"After inviting us into the alley, you can`t complain if you get kicked in the groin."
-- on the possible arbitration hearing of Brendan Morrison

"Right now, there are so few teams selling and so many buying. It`s like the Discovery Channel. Seventy-five vultures in a tree waiting for one zebra to die. I`m not sure we`re going to be able to make a deal."
-- a day before the NHL trade deadline

“We already have a Fedorov and that’s one Fedorov too many.”
-- on being asked if he wanted Sergei so that the brothers could play together.

"Hockey is a man`s game. The team with the most real men wins."

"The Minnesota Wild isn`t a hockey team. It is a cult. [head coach] Lemaire has total and complete buy-in into his system."

"There are only 2 Seasons in Vancouver, Summer & Hockey."

"No, Matt Cooke did not bite anyone on the Minnesota Wild,"....then a few seconds later, added--"But his favorite band is Fine Young Cannibals."

"Now they`re paying elite money to a second-line centre. What the hell is going on?"
-- after watching some high priced free agent signings. Signings included Bobby Holik (five years, $45 million), defenceman Darius Kasparaitis (six years, $25.5) and goaltender Mike Richter (two years, $8 million.)

"All it takes is one phone call to move this team. One. 25 cents and a phone booth, and this team is gone. This is high-stakes poker, folks, and it's a lot about the future of this city and the province."

"I think fans would agree, whether they like me or hate me, that when I'm talking, I'm telling the truth. It may not be what they want to hear. People might think I'm a grouch, but I don't think anyone questions that it's not the truth. It's a style that's not contrived. It doesn't have media consultants. It's me."

"I'm not the one who picks a fight with the media. It's not like I wake up in the morning and think 'Oh who in the media can i pick a fight with today?'"

"I said: John [McCaw, Canucks owner], there are going to be times when you curse you ever heard my name--the way I fight with the media when i think I have to, how touch I am on some issues. You're going to say: 'Where did I find this mad Irishman?' But I said: 'I can get this done. Give me the chance and I will get this done.'"

"Despite what people perceive publicly, my relationship with Stan [McCammon]...is very professional and cordial. It's not a case where we can't communicate or it's hostile. People have to understand one thing: the owner of a hockey team has the right to have whomever they would like to run that team. That is all their call. I've told them I want to stay. I enjoy working for Mr. McCaw. I love the city of Vancouver. I would like to keep this job. But it's not in my control.

"Don't anyone feel sorry for me. I picked this line of work, and this is one of the things that happens in this line of work.