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Note: This isn’t just something off the top of my head. I’ve actually been thinking about this for quite some time, and I only submit it to the masses now because maybe one of you have the ability to get in contact with a football organization that might actually use it, an ability that I don’t have. Being able to see this play in motion is worth more to me than the possible monetary compensation that could come of it.
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OK, now I need to start this off with the admission that I’m not an NFL football coach, however, that may be hard to believe when I’m through. Also, I am not 100% familiar with the rules of football, but I did play in high school and can’t see why this play wouldn’t be legal. That said, I think I have an idea that could revolutionize the way the game of football is played around the world. My play is so simple that it’s a wonder no one has thought of it yet, but it makes more sense than peanut butter being mixed with jelly or the words ‘Paris’, ‘Hilton’, ‘Stupid’ and ‘Slut’ being put in the same sentence.
How many times have you been watching your favorite team trying to run the ball in from the 2 yard line on 3rd down only to be denied and have to settle for a field goal? How many times has 3rd and inches become 4th and inches and the need to punt? Well with my play situations like this will become a thing of the past. In fact, I have so much confidence in the yard eating capabilities of my play that I wouldn’t be surprised if the NFL made the new 1st down yardage 15 or even 20 yards.
The Offensive Football Midget
Now, this play won’t be free, teams would have to go out a hire a new player, but I doubt that they would have to pay this member anything but the league minimum seeing as not all midgets are super wealthy, and the fact that currently the demand for midgets in the NFL is quite limited. So maybe a back-up special teams player will be cut, but so what? He should have played harder.
So, now that the team has hired themselves a midget and dressed him in the most protective gear they’ve got, they teach him the art of holding onto the ball. That’s it. That’s all the offensive midget must do is not drop the ball. So, you get your midget into an arm workout program and you’re all set. It’s as easy as that.
Now, you’re probably saying “Enough about the midget, how does the play work?” Well, that’s a fair question, and so I’ll explain. It’s actually a very simple play. The ball is snapped in shotgun formation with only the QB, two really big players, and the midget in the back field. Everyone else is on the line to provide good protection. The ball goes to the QB who then gives it to the midget who holds onto the ball as hard as he can. The two big dudes then pick up the midget (one on each side of him), and then with a big swing back, and then a thrust forward they launch the midget at as close to a 45 degree angle as possible over the line of scrimmage. Seeing as midgets are pretty light, and the dudes are pretty strong, I’m guessing that you could at least get 10 yards from where the midget is tossed. Now, subtract 5 yards back from the line, that’s still a gain of 5 yards. Your 3rd and short or 3rd and goal conversion is made nice and easy.
The beauty is, that the midget is well protected and should be OK, but even if he drops the ball on contact with the ground, the ground can’t cause a fumble, and so the play is dead where the midget lies.
As I said, it’s so simple that it’s beautiful; however this isn’t the end of usefulness of midgets in Football.
The Defensive Football Midget
This would be a somewhat less used position at first only coming up in field goal prevention. Once again, you have two guys and midget standing just behind the line of scrimmage for short ones, or, in the case of long ones, you could even have the midget toss crew just in front of the goal posts.
As the ball is on its way to the uprights, the two large players (same as before) launch the midget into the air at the football. Hopefully he will be able to either stop the ball completely or at least get enough of a piece of it to deflect it wide.
Three points saved.
Now, the defensive football midget could become useful later on as the offensive football midget becomes more widely used. To prevent the automatic 5 yard gain, a defensive midget could be flung into the oncoming aerial ball carrier to stop him. Pretty cool huh?
Not only would mid air midget clashes provide for spectacular contact, but as midget use became more regular, skilled midget toss teams would begin to be trained so that offensive midgets tossed at an angle could also be knocked out of the sky.
Think about it, the offensive and defensive midget would add new unfathomable depth to the already strategy filled game. Imagine it, a fake midget toss statue of liberty play!
Can you say crazy insane-o awesome!? I know I can!
So, to all you people out there I request that you email your local state representative, high school football team, or NFL running back, and suggest the football midget today and make our Sunday game even better than it already is.
If you’re still confused by any of this, see the technical diagrams below.
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