The Jester's Quart: Revisionist History, Yankee Style

[Greg_Wyshynski]

There`s a thin line between clever and stupid, and an even thinner one between a leap of faith and suspension of disbelief.

Cynics suspend disbelief; optimists make leaps of faith. Buying milk that`s one-day beyond its expiration date is to assume, for a moment, that its stamp is not a rigid...
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[JGAC]

Nice one again.

I agree totally that the 9/11 movie with the yankees. They didn't play that big of a roll. Big woop.

[Shane]

Originally Posted by Greg_Wyshynski

GARY BETTMAN CONTINUES TO SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF HOCKEY, VOL. 334,771

I suppose I should say something about the NHL officially locking out its players this week. As a hockey fan, it’s been inevitable and actually a bit welcome.

If you haven’t read Jimmy Patterson’s awesome call for scabs this season, check it out here: http://www.sportsfanmagazine.com/content/view/775/29

Here are the three things on my hockey mind right now:

1. When will it end? January. Half a season, just like in the 1994-95 work stoppage. A few players have mentioned “being out until January” during some Freudian slips. The owners have been quietly signing players during the off-season, adding salary while negotiating for a salary cap. Why? Because the owners know they will win this labor battle, and that the cap will go into effect after this season. Hence, a 48-game sprint to the playoffs with elephantine payrolls before the Great Purge begins next season.

2. Is Gary Bettman on the hot seat? The commissioner got high marks for his press conference this week regarding the labor crisis. And why shouldn’t he? Bettman should have an intimate knowledge of the disastrous economic conditions HE $@#$@# CAUSED!!!

(Sorry, didn’t mean to shout.)

This lockout has caused a number of media outlets and columnists to take a critical look at Bettman’s record with the NHL. This is a good thing, because the only way to get that lying weasel out of office is through public pressure. Because he’s the owners’ puppet, they’re all too happy to keep The Antichrist of Hockey safe and sound in NHL HQ. It’s up to us to whack the weasel.

3. What should be every hockey fan’s biggest concern about the league right now? Let’s say there is a yearlong lockout. When the league returns, it will do so with a mandate to alter the sport in order to “please the fans” who have been alienated by the lost season. That means Bettman and the Board of Directors can implement every single roller hockey rule change they want to enact in the NHL, from elimination of the red line to restriction of goalie movement to the absolutely worst idea in the history of professional sports, the overtime shootout. It’ll all be here, and they’ll use us as a reason to bring it in.

Beyond the rules changes, the other headache for all three parties (players, fans and owners) is contraction. There have been so many balloons floated lately about reducing the NHL’s 30 franchises, it’s beginning to look like the Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Mike Modano of the Dallas Stars and the NHLPA, idiot that he is, advocated the idea of contraction recently. Yeah, great idea Mikey: Fight ownership while endorsing the loss of hundreds of jobs. The Teamsters would have the NHLPA’s ass for lunch.

Contraction may or may not happen. The owners obviously aren’t for it, even though it makes sense. Snip the Panthers, Hurricanes, Ducks and Penguins right now. Or snip the Panthers and Canes, and ship the Pens and Ducks to new locales. Do something. Do anything…

Of course, none of this will matter if promotion of the NHL continues to be misguided, if the game itself continues to be bastardized, and investment in technology to make the game more exciting and viewer-friendly on television doesn’t occur.

So in other words, if Gary Bettman remains in office.

I would still like to know who Bettman works for. He HAS to have a boss....right?

Then who is it?

[jtg33]

Ideally, it would be the fans, and he would base a lot of his decisions on what the fans might want. No such luck, though. He's just another greedy asshole, possibly one of the stupidest one of them out there, too..

[Ishkur]

No.

Bettman's boss is the Owners of the 30 teams of the NHL. They like him because he does what they tell him. It was the same thing with John Ziegler before him, and Clarence Campbell before him.

Clarence Campbell was especially obedient, and was hired by the NHL in 1946 after he returned from the Nuremburg Trials (he was one of the prosecuting attorneys). He was a pure intellectual. When asked why he chose him, Conn Smythe--Maple Leafs owner--remarked "Where else are we going to find a Rhodes Scholar, graduate lawyer, decorated war hero and prosecutor at the Nuremburg trials who will do what he's told?"

That's really the point of the position: not to do what's best for the game, the player's or the fans, but to do what's in the best interests of the owners.

[Shane]

Originally Posted by Ishkur

No.

Bettman's boss is the Owners of the 30 teams of the NHL. They like him because he does what they tell him. It was the same thing with John Ziegler before him, and Clarence Campbell before him.

Clarence Campbell was especially obedient, and was hired by the NHL in 1946 after he returned from the Nuremburg Trials (he was one of the prosecuting attorneys). He was a pure intellectual. When asked why he chose him, Conn Smythe--Maple Leafs owner--remarked "Where else are we going to find a Rhodes Scholar, graduate lawyer, decorated war hero and prosecutor at the Nuremburg trials who will do what he's told?"

That's really the point of the position: not to do what's best for the game, the player's or the fans, but to do what's in the best interests of the owners.

Am I the only one that finds that to be completely retarded?

[jtg33]

No, I think it's pretty retarded too...