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By Phineas Lambert, Founding Editor, The Back Page Sports
“If I were an athlete, I would issue more guarantees than Panasonic. I would guarantee playoffs. I would guarantee victory. I would guarantee you wouldn't pay a lot for your next muffler.” -- Gary Shelton, St. Petersburg Times, April 30, 2002
There is little doubt that the esteemed Mr. Shelton would make a good agent or PR representative. In fact, he’d be particularly good for a brash young hothead, such as, say, I don’t know, Chad Johnson.
With the help and advice of Mr. Shelton, Chad the Wide Receiver could become Chad the Guarantor and slowly transform himself into an actor, making a new career post football that could rival former NFL great O.J. Simpson.
One could easily imagine Johnson in a Meineke commercial, saying “I guarantee you won’t pay a lot for your next muffler, just like a guaranteed a regular season win against the Kansas City Chiefs back in 2003.
This is where we’ve come: This is the state of the contemporary Guarantee.
We’ve gone from guarantees being the words that create folklore, to a boast made almost daily by players looking for the spotlight. And the players that make these predictions are usually the same ones that couldn’t step on the same playing field as Broadway Joe or lace ‘em up with Mark “The Savior” Messier.
The roots of the guarantee can be traced to none other than the Babe, who pointed to the right field bleachers of Wrigley Field and called his homerun shot. Then…he homered to right. It didn’t reach the mainstream until 1969, when a young, brash quarterback named Joe Willy Namath boldly predicted an upset of the mighty Baltimore Colts by his upstart New York Jets.
Nobody seems to remember Namath’s rather pedestrian performance – he threw for only 206 yards and no touchdowns – but they’ll always remember the audacity of his guarantee. Namath’s promise of victory was the greatest moment in Jets history and one the NFL’s proudest moments. He was also the game’s MVP, in large part due to his words, rather than his actions.
For this young reporter, Namath took on a new face in 1994, when New York Ranger captain Mark Messier proclaimed “I guarantee we’ll win tonight” against the rival New Jersey Devils in the Eastern Conference finals. Trailing 3-2 in the best-of-seven series, Messier’s guarantee galvanized the Rangers and propelled them to consecutive wins to thwart the Devils. His hat trick in Game 6 also had a little something to with it.
The Rangers then defeated the Vancouver Canucks for their first title in 50 years, prompting New York hockey fans to jest, “Now I can die in peace.” Messier’s guarantee was the stuff dreams are made of, the stuff of legends.
Ever since then, though, everyone and his mother seems to be making his own version of the guarantee, with varying degrees of success. Here are a few examples:
Knick center Patrick Ewing, who never seemed to follow through on repeated promises to beat Michael and the Bulls, could never accomplish what he proclaimed he would.
Jim Fassel, who guaranteed the New York Giants would go to the playoffs in 2000 at a record below .500. The G-Men responded to the call, making it all the way to the Super Bowl before finally losing to a clearly superior Baltimore Raven team.
And recently, clown-like figures such as Detroit Piston forward Rasheed Wallace and Cincinnati Bengal wideout Chad Johnson have been so brash.
Trailing the Indiana Pacers in last year’s Eastern Conference final 1-0, Wallace boldly predicted that the Pistons would leave town with the series tied at one (“We are not going to lose game two, no more questions”). Wow, Rasheed that’s bold. Namath and Messier made their calls in elimination situations and this guy’s running his mouth after Game 1. And while the Pistons did win Game 2, they won in spite of Rasheed, who was horrific with the pressure of his words heaped squarely on his shoulders.
Then there’s the enigmatic Johnson, who fervently guaranteed victory against the aforementioned undefeated Kansas City Chiefs…in week 11 of the regular season. Johnson, whose team didn’t even make the playoffs and was under .500 at the time, had 100+ yards and a touch, backing up his otherwise meaningless guarantee.
Any points gained from the Chief victory, however, were lost early in this past season, when the receiver sent Pepto-Bismol to the Cleveland Brown cornerbacks, saying he was going to make them nauseous in a game he dubbed “The Pepto Bowl.” Johnson caught a mere three passes for 37 yards, and the Bengals lost the game 34-17.
Johnson and Wallace are examples of the change in athletes, who scoff at the notion of “no I in team,” proudly pointing out “there is a ME.”
The guarantee has followed the same path of most trends and fads in sports. With the saturation of media and the need for the instant soundbyte, it has passed its tipping point, moving to the arena of the commonplace rather than the special. Fans tend to tune them out now.
Most fans don’t even listen anymore, saying “of course they would guarantee victory, it would be more of a concern if they didn’t.”
Reporters love the guarantee, because it allows them to frame the sporting events they’re covering. It’s done much in the same way as political journalists, who have created the horse race mentality so there is always discussion of a winner and a loser, which adds to the packaging value and boosts ratings.
The guarantee, one of the greatest thing in sports, will continue to become a personal platform for an athlete to get free face time in the media rather than to use it for the benefit of his team. All I can say is that I wish it were reserved for athletic royalty, not the court jesters.
You can Email Phin at phin@thebackpagesports.com. He guarantees you will like this article.
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