If you think Isiah Thomas has shaken up the mix in Knickerbocker Land, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. In a widely heralded new conference, the prophet Isiah declared that he would “Prepare the way for our Knicks, make straight paths for them.” The most startling revelation of the evening was the anointing of Samuel L. Jackson as the new head coach.Already known to the players endearingly as “Jules”, Jackson immediately picked up the mantle and spake unto the media. “The path of the righteous team is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of defending champions… And we will strike down upon them with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to keep us from the playoffs. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."
The Lord could not be reached for comment, however, His public relations representative, the Pope, stated, “Don’t mess with that dude. He’s one bad motherfucker.”
Not everyone was happy with the decision. Spike Lee, perhaps the most well known Knicks fan, was lobbying for an unnamed new head coach, simply known as “X”. Louis Farrakhan also voiced his displeasure, calling it “Uncle Tomfoolery” and vowing to expose an alleged connection between Isiah and the infamous Jewish lawyer John Baptistowitz whom Farrakhan claims is controlling the NBA by watering down the talent pool of the poorer teams with his wealth and influence.
Despite these miraculous moves, many questions remain. Will this reap eternal consequences for the Knicks? Is Mark Cuban the Devil? And is Allen Iverson really the Antichrist? The rest of the season, and prayerfully the playoffs, will yield those answers.
Already known to the players endearingly as “Jules”, Jackson immediately picked up the mantle and spake unto the media. “The path of the righteous team is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of defending champions… And we will strike down upon them with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to keep us from the playoffs. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."
