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The NFL season arrived for me late last week, as my thoughts officially turned from the Mets’ pennant chase to the Jets’ opening game against that coach who dresses like a homeless guy on a Boston street corner and that big-toothed quarterback who should really just lose a damn Super Bowl already.
It’s been a fairly good off-season for Gang Green: Eric Mangenius pulls a cameo on “The Sopranos,” Thomas Jones slides in as Curtis Martin’s heir, the rookies are a year older and smarter, Chad Pennington has yet to land on injured reserve despite being the quarterbacking equivalent of Sam Jackson’s brittle bone disease in “Unbreakable.” Seriously, things are pretty cool — until the Patriots administer what the pessimistic Jets fan in me anticipates will be a “you really didn’t think you’d contend for the AFC East Title now, diddya?” smackdown.
But even though the Jets had me excited, the opening of the regular season for the rest of the NFL didn’t. I had a peculiar apathy for a league that’s basically a second religion for me. (Come to think of it, both Catholic mass and the Jets’ offense have bored the piss out of me over the last two decades of fall and winter Sundays.)
Why did I suddenly not care about the NFL? Then it hit me: I wasn’t in a football pool, nor was I signed up for a fantasy league. A summer of wedding planning and sportswriting had distracted me from my annual pigskin routine.
These two activities had given such meaning to every down of every game for the last few seasons that the NFL was suddenly just another pedestrian sports season if they weren’t a major part of it. Without them, football didn’t have the same kind of meaning. Without them, I was incomplete as a fan.
I suddenly felt like one of those degenerates that can’t have a fun night on the town without kicking it off with a shot of tequila.
Luckily, my old football pool started up with days to spare before the regular season. But I had slipped through the cracks of my old fantasy league, uninvited to the party this year. (Maybe it was the temper-tantrum I threw after last season’s auto draft stuck me with Trent Green as my starting quarterback…as if any self-respecting Jets fans would ever want the signal caller from a Herm Edwards team on his fantasy roster.)
Hastily, a fantasy league in my newspaper office was thrown together; a collection of sports geeks and newbies with nowhere else to turn. I signed up quickly, offering yet another Jets-inspired team name:
2005: Down Goes Pennington
2006: French-Kissing Namaths
2007: Mangenius_or_Mangina?
I was prepared to force through a draft before the first game of the season…that is until the league commissioner said the good folks at Yahoo! wouldn’t allow us to hold a draft until the afternoon of Sept. 11.
After the first week of football had been played.
As a fantasy league veteran, this was utter and complete blasphemy, like walking into a movie 10 minutes after it started and claiming to have enjoyed the entire picture. Part of what make fantasy sports so appealing are the hot stove decisions made before a single game that counts has been played. It’s easy to grab off-the-radar players who lit it up in Week 1; it’s a hell of a lot harder, and more satisfying, to find those diamonds in the fantasy draft rough when everyone else was busy drafting busts.
My own lollygagging made this bed, so I’m lying in it. And because I have to make myself feel better about this awkward situation, I feel the need to justify its virtues. With that, here are:
FIVE REASONS WHY IT’S OK TO HOLD YOUR FANTASY DRAFT AFTER WEEK ONE
1. False Prophets: There will be players in Week 1 that will go from late-round prospects to flat-out superstars. While most fantasy leagues will be debating whether or not to trade for running back Johnny Comelately, competitors in my league will have decide if he’s worth moving up the draft board to take or if he’s a flash in the opening week pan. Somehow, the stakes will be higher for us.
2. Preseason Means Nothing: Haven’t we been told this since Neanderthals first picked up a prehistoric pigskin? Why should fans be forced to base their most important draft-day decisions on a month of games that feature more game-play from Div. II college players than from the legit NFL talent?
3. Avoiding Cracked Eggs in One Basket: Remember how I mentioned that the auto draft gave me Trent Green last season? Well, had we held the draft after Week One, there wouldn’t have been a chance in hell he would have been my quarterback after suffering a severe concussion against the Bengals. There’s always a chance that first-round, franchise player of yours might break down in Week 1. Having the draft after that week is a little extra insurance against that happening (although it offers no recourse for a Week 2 disaster).
4. Deceasing the Awkwardness: The worst fantasy leagues I’ve ever taken part in have involved a group of owners who are in a constant state of feeling each other and the players out. Evaluating, re-evaluating but never actually making a deal worth a damn. Player movement is virtually impossible until they get a sample of games to judge their teams. With a post-opening weekend draft, I expect the transactions will flow like warm beer at a sports bar.
5. Increasing the Ridicule: By the time we have our draft, we’ll have had rookie camp, training camp, at least 16 quarters of preseason football and at least four quarters of regular season football for each team. Yet there will be some douche bag who still takes Michael Vick in the first round because “it’s like starting a third running back.” There isn’t yet a scientific measure for that level of unabated ridicule.
So there are some benefits to holding a draft after Week 1. Then again, maybe it’s just flat-out sacrilege, unquestioned cheating and a pathetic excuse for a legitimate NFL fantasy experience.
I’ll let you know in December, based on how “Mangenius or Mangina” does in the playoffs.
Published on the web and www.SportsFanMagazine.com since 1997, "The Jester's Quart" is a weekly satirical look at sports, pop culture and why NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is a jackass. Columnist Greg Wyshynski is the Senior Editor for SportsFan Magazine in Washington DC, and the Senior Sports Editor for The Connection Newspapers of Northern Virginia. His book "Glow Pucks and 10-Cent Beer: The 101 Worst Ideas in Sports History" can be ordered now. Email Wyshynski at jestersquart@hotmail.com.
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