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I was going to let this go to the recycle bin, but I have been asked to submit it again. The views expressed in this story have no connection with the views of the Owner, Administrators, or Webmaster of Sportsrant.com.
This is the classic case of a piece of shit riding the bicycle of success too far. I grew up with Lance. He was born in a small southern town, and his family was just like everyone else’s. His parents were divorced and his mother raised him. She should have chopped his balls off when he was young, but no, she let him keep them.
Growing up, Lance was an absolute asshole to everyone. Girls swooned over him, and he treated all of us like dirt. He would ask a girl out and make her day, just to turn around and sleep with her friend or sister. He was a man-whore. He could not keep that tiny little thing is his pants if his life depended on it.
It wasn’t just the girls he pissed on, it was the guys too. Lance didn’t have many friends. He spent all of his time riding his bike, and looking at himself in a mirror. Between classes he would go to his locker and do his hair in the mirror. This was his hourly routine. No guys wanted to hang out with a narcissistic scumbag.
Lance shit on his mother too. She continually bought him bicycles to ride, as that was all he was interested in. He began riding great distances, and on more than one occasion, he rode all the way to Oklahoma, and was too tired to ride home. Undoubtedly, his mother had to drop what she was doing and drive across state lines to pick him up. We all wished she would just leave him there, but she never did.
During our senior year, Lance moved away. We didn’t know or care at the time, but we later learned he moved to Colorado (good place for him) to tryout for the Olympics. Lance made the Olympic team and turned pro. He was not famous, since no one really cares about bicycling, and he really wasn’t very good. He continually finished dead last, or close too it, and the world did not know or care who Lance Armstrong was.
In 1996 after yet another miserable Olympic performance, Lance was diagnosed with testicular cancer that had spread to his brain. It could be argued that the cancer spread to his brain from the close proximity of his balls to his head while it was up his ass, but no one will ever really know. In the end, they removed his testicles and treated him with chemotherapy, and Lance beat the cancer. At this point in his life, it was the first time he was a winner.
Lance made a comeback in the bicycling circuit, and started winning races. He has won several Tour de France’s and many other races that I do not know or care about. Suddenly, the world wanted to know whom this “fighter” was. Lance was a celebrity, and I was stunned. If the world knew what an asshole this guy really is, they would not be kissing his ass repeatedly. Some things have not changed though.
The way Lance went through women in high school appears to be a trend with him. He has left his wife and three children. Apparently, with fame, you have to have a famous wife. He is reportedly dating Cheryl Crowe. She can have him.
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