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The good news, Lisa Guerrero will not be returning to MNF in 2005 to once again set back the cause of women in sports. The bad news, the NFL has no shortage of loudmouth frauds and phonies on its airwaves. So, just as sure as Darwinism eliminates the Rushs, Ditkas, and J.G.s of the world...a new butthead will undoubtedly rise to take the spot.
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The NFL Today will once again feature “Primetime” Deon Sanders and the gang. I always get a kick out of seeing the uncomfortable smiles of Jim Nantz and Boomer Esiason whenever Neon Deon shucks and jives for the camera.
The NFL’s answer to the male nurse, Armen Keteyian, also returns with Bonnie Bernstein to try restore credibility to sideline reporting following the Lisa Guerrero fiasco. Good luck ladies, that is going to be an uphill battle.
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So, Lisa Guerrero and her wonderful gullet will not be returning to Monday Night Football this year. However, everyone’s favorite fatman with a keen eye for the obvious, John Madden, will be filling up and oozing out of the broadcast booth. He never ceases to stupefy with his heedless observations. "Donovan McNabb is doing the things Donovan McNabb does," and "…of course, if he had had control of the ball when he hit the ground, then it would have been a complete pass," are just two of the wisdom nuggets he shared with us last season. Thanks John, but Helen Keller could have pointed those out.
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Inside the NFL will return in tact, much to the dismay of many. It seems that Dan Marino’s brief career as the worst G.M. in NFL history did not get in the way of his day job. How do you suppose Danny Boy landed that G.M. gig? Does his resume list “I’M DAN MARINO, BITCH!” as a qualification? With any luck, #13 will soon be joining Jerry Glanville in announcing D-1AA football games for local UHF stations.
Speaking of J.G., Wanda Sykes, who is nothing more than J.G. with boobs and a tan, also returns to pollute the show with her infinitely unfunny bits and complete lack of proper English.
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No more Rush Limbaugh on ESPN. It is a shame too. The man hired to stir up controversy is canned (or forcibly made to resign) when he does just that. At least without that blowhard taking up airtime, we can be offered more bold and unfounded gems from Thom Jackson. It can be just like that time he claimed that the Patriots players clearly “…hate their coach, Bill Belichick,” without actually asking any of them. Hopefully, Thom will dazzle us with more displays of lazy journalism this season.
Chris Berman remains a bright spot. Watching him sweat gallons during his Two-Minute Drill is always humorous. I also wonder what new nicknames will be added to his already vast array. E-“Live and In Color” Manning? Larry “If the Glove Fitz“-Gerald? Drew-osaurus Three and Out-soe?
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So, bust out that foam finger, find the comfy worn-in spot on the couch, but be sure to have the mute button ready.
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