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The Montreal Expos opened up their "home schedule" in San Juan, Puerto Rico, where they'll play 22 games this season. In a matter of years, the team has gone from having a stud lineup and the best record in baseball during the strike-shortened 1997 season, to a traveling sideshow. An absolute laughingstock.
You know the homeless, unshaven bum that begs you for change so he buy a nip from the liquor store and pass out the sidewalk in a puddle of piss. That annoying relative who pops in without warning, crashes on the couch and never leaves. That's the Montreal Expos - the unwanted step-child of the major leagues.
Now by the All-Star break, the weak-and-spineless Bud Selig says he will have a home for the cash-strapped sorry-franchise. And believe it or not there seems to be a bidding war going on to land the Expos. But where will they finally hang their jocks? Groups in Washington, D.C., northern Virginia and Portland, Oregon have expressed interest but failed to impress the relocation committee with flimsy stadium plans. So into the pool jumped Monterrey, Mexico; San Juan, Puerto Rico; San Antonio and even Las Vegas.
Yes, Sin City wants to play ball. There has been a lot of talk lately that Vegas is ready for professional sports. Not true, but let's face it; its best option is baseball and the Expos. The NFL will never come, despite the fact that Vegas and sports betting made it the King of Sports that it is today. But the football Nazi's won't even let the city run advertisements during the Super Bowl, or let casinos hold parties and broadcast the game on big screens, so bringing an NFL team to Vegas is utter nonsense.
Rumors of the Sacramento Kings moving to Vegas continue to surface. It makes sense. The Maloof family owns the team and the Palms casino. George Maloof, however, has shot down the idea saying the team will stay put. Plus he just got a tattoo with the "SK" logo recently, if that means anything.
And hockey? No chance.
So welcome Expos! I mean just imagine for a second, the between inning entertainment - Pamela Anderson swinging from a stripper pole on second base. Oh, I'm sorry; Elton John already has that in his new show over at Caesars. Ahh, Paris Hilton perhaps? And if the game blows, hit the slots in the concourse behind home plate.
And speaking of Caesars, they're the ones behind the plan to bring the Expos to town. They've offered land and financing to build a $400 million retractable-roof stadium behind the Strip. Oh, the traffic nightmares that would cause. But before you laugh this off consider this: the relocation committee has visited Las Vegas four times in recent months, and Kansas City-based HOK Sport is acting as a consultant to potentially build the 40,000-seat baseball stadium. Their the minds behind Coors Field, Jacobs Field, Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia, Comerica Park in Detroit, PETCO Park in San Diego and Minute Maid Park in Houston.
With Indian casinos popping up everywhere, gambling in Las Vegas just isn't as big an obstacle anymore. But still odds stand at 20 to 1 for Vegas to land the Expos.
The rest of the field: (for non-betting purposes, folks)
1,000,000 to 1: Monterrey, Mexico. Come on please. And they thought Montreal was bad for attendance. They want paying fans, right? And at the rate illegal immigrants are running across the border into the Arizona desert, they're won't be anyone left in Mexico to but a ticket.
100,000 to 1: Connecticut. They can't even hold on to the Hartford Whalers, so what makes these knuckleheads think they can plop down a baseball franchise in the middle of Yankee and Red Sox turf and suck away fans from them. Somebody's smoking something there. Hey, but John Alevizos whose leading the group did get league to expand to Toronto and add the Blue Jays. Plus he has the team named already: the Connecticut Colonials. Hmmm, didn't Hartford lure the Patriots away from Foxboro a couple years back? Oh, that's right Robert Kraft was too smart to let that happen. So is MLB.
50,000 to 1: San Antonio. Honestly where the hell did this come from. Is it a serious effort? And if so why isn't anyone talking about it. Perhaps it is an attractive market. After all, those Mexican immigrants have to stop running sometime.
100 to 1: San Juan, Puerto Rico. Alright so the Expos are already playing there and thousands of ticket packages for those games have been sold, but travel and taking the team out of country again seems risky. Plus I can't imagine the players union giving the thumbs up to this one.
10 to 1: Portland, Oregon. A sentimental favorite and if the rest don't get their acts together they could be playing here. But damn, it's rainy and cold and a real serious stadium plan hurts its chances. Too bad.
10 to 1: Washington D.C. Baseball's obvious preference, but why? To reward starched politicians, of course. Isn't this a city that twice lost baseball franchises, so this seems right up MLB's alley to try again? The problems here have been stadium financing and neighborhood opposition. A new proposal would build a $340 million stadium near RFK financed with a new (gulp) tax on big area businesses. Plus Baltimore Orioles owner Peter Angelos isn't happy about it. He could cool to the idea for say $100 million.
6 to 1: Somewhere in Virginia. Northern or southern, who cares, if they figure it out, and Norfolk looks like an ideal spot, the Expos will likely be here. Far enough away from Baltimore and Angelos has already said that wouldn't bother him if it happened. But apparently nobody has told the people in Norfolk that they need to get their shit together and draw up some blueprints.
EVEN: MLB will delay the decision, once again, until the off-season.
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