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I was pulled many different directions with this piece. Matt Leinart as a pudgy, cross-eyed youth and distasteful Barbaro jokes were two potential topics. Of course, I almost went the route of shameless self-promotion for an entire column. On that note, I decided to do a little bit of everything.
Shameless self-promotion- I think it’s best to start with the topic that’s closest to me- me. I contemplated sprinkling in plugs of projects I’m working on and things I’m doing throughout another piece, but I hate when columnists do that. Instead, I decided to pull no punches and devote an entire piece to myself. 700 words detailing my greatness in all aspects: my radio show (more to come on that later), my whatifsports hoops dynasty team (as any good coach would, I have my walk-ons spend our 2 hours of practice every day dribbling the ball while the real players practice, I figured this way they would at least be good for something), my athletic conquests ( an epic story on how I defeated my girlfriend in miniature golf, although I needed a playoff hole to do it after we finished the 8,964 inch course tied), and on my intellectual conquests (I finally came in under par on that orbitz golf game that pops up everywhere). While that sounds interesting to me and maybe one or two people that have a constant craving for 24/7 news coverage of my life, I figured it may be a little much for most people.
That being said, I have to plug my new radio show, Unabated Sports. I just started at the ESPN Radio affiliate in Cincinnati, 1450 The Ticket. If you are ever in the general area of Southern Ohio on Thursdays between 6-9pm est, check it out. In the next few weeks we will be begin podcasting at our website, unabatedsports.com, so everyone will be able to check it out. This week we’ll be talking with Bengals Pro Bowl Quarterback Carson Palmer and with one of the hottest females in sports, U.S. soccer player Heather Mitts. Once we begin podcasting, we’ll be sure to put up those interviews first (along with an epic one we did with Greg Wyshynski, author of “Glow Pucks and 10-cent Beer, the 101 Worst Ideas in Sports” available for purchase now on amazon.com).
How soon can we start the distasteful Barbaro jokes?- I’m not a cruel person, I just failed to understand how much people genuinely care for race horses. I gave him a day before I started making glue jokes, and my idea to do a video of me racing Barbaro (in stick or bottle form) around our studio for our show website was nixed immediately, before I could even pitch it to those who matter. I was in the company of several females who immediately began to assault me with their tiny, ineffectual fists and then it dawned on me, when can we make these jokes?
It’s only a matter of time before people start asking Sue Bird how her leg is, but when is that time? Do we have to wait a few months to see if he’s actually going to pull out of this, or even longer? I know Barbaro isn’t the Pope, but does he deserve a mourning period of similar length? Should the flag be at half-mast? This is all very confusing to me. What’s not confusing to me is that his trainer jinxed him straight out of a racing career.
“That horse is pretty dominant,” trainer D. Wayne Lukas said on Monday before the Preakness. “Unless he stubs his toe, he’ll probably handle that bunch again.”
Well played.
Matt Leinart, inspiration to the common man- People look up to professional athletes. They are role models and are inspirations to thousands, if not millions, of people all over the world. People just seem to inherently trust that their favorite sports hero knows everything and how to help you when you need it most. Then there’s Matt Leinart. The (evil) media has portrayed him as a pretty boy who spends his time dancing with Paris Hilton and partying with celebrities. Then this week, I learned about the real Matt Leinart.
Apparently, when he was younger, he was cross-eyed and wore big glasses. He was also overweight and, in his words, had “the whole dorky look going.”
“When I didn't have my glasses on and I was tired, my eye would cross, so everyone made fun of that, too,” Leinart said to the Arizona Republic. “Kids are so cruel to each other.”
I agree, kids are cruel to each other. And it’s great to know that dorky, cross-eyed, overweight kids have an ally in Leinart and that these kids can read this story and have a temporary reprieve from that lonely feeling in life. I guess it may be a little tough for them to relate, you know, because Matt Leinart was blessed with NFL talent and a great work ethic. So maybe it would be even better if they could come away with some great advice from Leinart, like “be yourself” or “always work hard and you can accomplish anything.” So what inspiring line does Leinart give us?
“Fortunately, I was good at sports,” Leinart said. “If I wasn't, I probably would've killed myself."
If that’s not championship resolve, I don’t know what is.
On the Horizon- I decided to end with more shamless self promotion, so make sure to check back later in the week for my column on the real contenders to take down Notre Dame safety Tom Zbikowski in his pro boxing debut June 10th and my review of “Glow Pucks and 10-cent Beer, the 101 worst ideas in sports history” by Greg Wyshynski.
The Sports Gospel is sponsored by betonsports.com. All Sports Gospel readers get a 10% signup bonus at BetOnSports by entering “Sports Gospel Promo” as the promo code. Mark Chalifoux is a columnist with SportsFan Magazine. You can reach him at Rockne48@und.
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