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Everyone in sports had been saying the same thing about the NBA finals from the day they started- they were boring. I finally had enough and decided to figure out, once and for all, if the finals were boring. I decided to take five of my closest friends and head up to the one of the better sports bars near me, Buffalo Wild Wings, to watch game 7. To make sure my opinion of the game remained free from the corruption of the sports media spin machine, and in homage to the Sports Guy Bill Simmons, I kept a running diary of the game.
The Cast of Characters (along with their prediction for the game):
Dan- my brother and avid Pistons fan-Detroit by 10
Joe- another brother (Dan’s twin)- Spurs by 12
Luch (Anthony)- friend of the group and a producer for Great Americans- Pistons by 7
Nick- my girlfriend’s brother- Detroit by 3
Josh- friend of the group- San Antonio by 1 (he followed his prediction by announcing this was the first NBA game he had seen all year and that he had no idea what he was doing)
I predicted a 17 point win for the Spurs. I took a fair amount of garbage for it, but why can’t there be a game 7 blowout? We saw four other blowouts in this series, why would game 7 have to be different? Some tried to argue that in a game 7 situation, all the players would be reaching down deep to get that extra something, but I don’t buy it, if you are in the NBA finals, you should be pulling out everything you have right from the start, not holding back in case you hit a game 7.
Before the game, we were debating on just why it was that girls just weren’t allowed to events like this. Answers varied from the fact that they don’t know jack, they just bother you with questions, and it just doesn’t feel right. We progressed from that to pondering what the biggest sporting event was that we had witnessed with a girl. It was then that Luch shocked the crowd by telling everyone he attended a Yankees-Red Sox game with a girl. This, at least to me, was shocking. Partly that Luch could get a girl to attend a game with him, but mainly just because that is such an epic rivalry, and it had to be completely lost on the girl. That’s the type of game you take a good friend to, not a date. Needless to say, everyone looked at him different the rest of the game.
I have to say, I was a little concerned with how I would handle the whole running diary thing. I wasn’t at Buffalo Wild Wings for five minutes when I discovered my cup had a crack in it, which completely soaked my notebook. One freaking page in. I took this as a sign that I was way over my head, but I continued nonetheless. I bet this never happens to guys like Simmons.
9:19- As tip-off was nearing, we all began debating who would score first. As soon as Joe asked the question, he yelled “Tim Duncan”, leaving everyone else to pick bench players like Darko Milic (I hope I spelled his name wrong, just because I would be surprised if I knew how to spell it off the top of my head.)
9:21- Tim Duncan scores, prompting Joe to stand up and yell “I told you motherf***” in Dan’s face. This could get ugly for the Detroit fans.
9:22- Detroit scores, ending all hope for a Spurs shutout.
9:25- I honestly am starting to believe that traveling is called more in AND 1 streetball games. As Rip Hamilton gets open for a jumper, Luch gets all over his jock. “Atta way Rip”. Brick. “C’mon Rip”. After writing down his dialogue with Rip, I’m starting to regret ordering all the wings while still trying to write.
9:30- Only ten minutes into the game and we are hit with the funniest and most awkward line of the night, when after Chauncey Billups drives through the lane and finishes a sweet lay up, Dan yells “Oh I’m wacking to that tonight.” Apparently, Dan reaaaalllyy loves the Pistons. I now understand why he watches Detroit highlights by himself.
9:34- I simply do not understand Thunderstix. I guess they make noise, but what the hell, there has to be something better than that. The day after a big game, you shouldn’t be able to talk from cheering so much, not have sore arms from all the thundering. Everyone at the table begins blasting Thunderstix, well, almost everyone.
“Do you have those out in you car?” Josh asked.
“No, why the hell would I, and what would you want them for in here?!” I said.
“Oh, I guess you’re right…” Josh replied.
I have no idea why he wanted Thunderstix, but I was afraid to press the issue.
9:38- I know why Rip wears the mask now, but what excuse can you use to get away with wearing one of those in a pickup game? Dan claims that he’s going to wear one every time he plays as soon as he finds one, but this isn’t surprising, as this is the same guy who used to play intramural basketball wearing an Underarmour sleeve on one arm. We finally convinced Nick, who actually plays basketball, to wear one in a game next season.
9:39- During a commercial, we start to debate whether or not Buffalo Wild Wings is a better spot to catch a game than Hooters. Buffalo Wild Wings has a few things going for it, including good food and a good atmosphere. They don’t have girls like Hooters, but the quality of girls there has gone down drastically lately. Also, the food blows and there are those guys at every one who sport the slicked back hair and leather pants and are thoroughly convinced that the waitresses are their friends, only because they tip them about 75%.
9:44- Robert Horry makes his first three of the game, prompting Luch to yell “Big Shot Bob” about 12 times, somehow believing that he can regain credibility by knowing his nickname. Sorry, but you are still the guy who took a girl to the Yankees-Red Sox.
9:45- If I knew more about the NBA, I’d know the name of the Bald Ref. But I don’t, so I’ll just call him Bald Ref. Anyway, I think if I was a recognizable bald guy, like Terry Bradshaw or the Bald Ref, I would wear an over-the-top outrageous toupee, just to see if anyone would say anything. I hope I never become bald, because that one night of fun just wouldn’t be enough to make up for it.
9:50- Josh brings up a good question, if you could bring one player out of retirement in the NBA, who would it be? Naturally, Joe fired off Michael Jordan right away, which is the natural answer, but after some debate the group settled on someone else- Wilt Chamberlain. It would be good to see how he stacks up with Shaq and everyone, but more importantly, Wilt was a huge womanizer, how would that work in a time like this? So many girls would try to blackmail him and milk him for as much money as possible, only to later accuse him of rape. With as many girls as he related with, he would’ve had a Kobe-esque situation to deal with at least once every few seasons.
As far as that whole Kobe thing goes, it was garbage of him to try and roll Shaq when he got busted by the police. That being said, we don’t know Shaq any better than we thought we knew Kobe before that whole thing, so who’s to say Shaq doesn’t hit up a new girl in every city he’s in? I’m sure Kobe didn’t completely make up the stuff about Shaq, he’s not that smart. Everyone wants to look at Shaq as being a great guy, for his police work and paying for funerals and whatnot, but I think he could end up getting burned one day. And then everyone will write the same story again, about how shocked they are and how they never saw this coming.
9:55- Two ugly girls come up to the table and start talking to Luch, evidently they know him well. Another strike against him.
9:57- Dan starts going on some rant about how its so sweet that Tayshaun PRINCE plays his home games at the PALACE. Get it, the Prince in the Palace? Yeah, no one there though it was cool either.
9:58- Two guys walk in with their hair gelled wearing shirts with popped collars, one wearing ripped jeans (what guy wears ripped jeans???), look around for about two seconds, then promptly turn around and exit.
10:04- I had to stop writing about the girls that accosted Luch, but now that they are gone, I can finish that story. The two girls come up, and the first question one asks is “Who’s playing?” After she’s told, she responds with a “basketball?” I mean, there are only 38 TVs showing the game, so I can’t expect that much out of her, but what the hell, how stupid can she be? Do girls think it’s cute when they don’t know jack about sports? It figures that the guy who would take a girl to Yankees-Red Sox would have two ugly girls start chatting him up at the game. Weak. When she started asking us if we were having fun or if we were just bored, half the group started sizing her up, wondering if she was a girl who could take a punch. As bad as it sounds, I’m sure the thought crossed everyone’s mind.
10:06- Our first comment about the game in some time, as Captain Obvious (Dan) brings out the brilliant, “Wow, this is a low scoring game.”
10:16- Not that the game is boring or anything, but Joe just broke out a deck of cards and started some fancy shuffling. Which, oddly enough, is more entertaining than game 7.
10:17- A guy with a man purse over his shoulder walks in and heads off to a table to meet up with some friends. Everyone at the table immediately begins making jokes about him brining his backpack to watch a game.
10:18- Nick sits stunned for awhile, then says “It is a backpack.” Sure enough, the kid has gotten out a textbook and is leafing through it. Everyone is speechless.
10:20- My phone battery dies, leaving me without a time stamp. Now, seeing as how this running diary is going on pretty long, I’m now taking a break for some more wings, hoping this game turns into something entertaining soon.
Appx. 10:40- I’ve officially written off Tim Duncan. How could he not show up for a game like this?
Appx.10:50- Duncan goes on a tear, scoring two of the last three baskets after an early run, making me look like a moron. Dan has a dejected look on his face, and breaks out his favorite Madagascar line- “Well, this sucks.” (Before you judge Dan for seeing the movie, we are both in the Big Brothers program and saw the film with our little brother. Then again, Dan is the same guy who regularly listens to the 2gether CD, so judge away.)
Appx.11:40- I’ve just threw out the last 45 minutes of the diary, mostly because it was full of remarks about a Bernie Mac look alike and a volleyball team that was surrounding him. After looking at it again, it’s definitely another story for another time. Back to the game though, bottom line, this is just not an exciting game. Say what you want about good defense and team play or whatever, but there are far too many turnovers and airballs. This is just sloppy.
Appx.11:50- This place needs a good brawl to keep things entertaining. You really don’t get to see as many brawls as you used to back in the good old days (or on TV). Everyone is just looking around, basically waiting for the game to be over. The Spurs have it well in hand (we guess) and we would just feel wrong for leaving the game early. But at least I know now for myself, this really was boring.
Appx 11:55- When do NFL training camps start?
The Sports Gospel is sponsored by Bet On Sports. Bet on Sports, gives you the greatest sports action to bet on-Wager on football, cricket, Boxing, Rugby, Horse Racing and more. Mark Chalifoux is a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. You can reach him at Rockne48@und.com.
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