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By Wade Peery
Drop him an e-mail at wadepeery@yahoo.com
It goes without saying that college is a very unique place. College is a place where a river of alcohol can be consumed throughout an entire day and it NOT be considered legally insane. On college campuses you have moronic dares that force people to do 40 second keg stands, bong beers, and an endless amount of just idiotic activities. The list really could go on forever, but I’ll leave you with that abbreviated version. One time I even bet a buddy twenty bucks that he couldn’t devour an entire large pizza from Papa John’s, with extra pepperoni and cheese. There was no time limit, and to my amazement two hours later Andrew Rubis had just put away the whole pizza, crust and all. That’s 14-inches of just pure heaven of pepperoni and cheese goodness for you folks keeping track out there. To give you an idea of how much fat was in the pizza, there’s approximately 1,048 grams of fat in an entire large pepperoni and cheese pizza from PJ’s. That’s not even taking into account the extra pepperonis and cheese. Now call me crazy, but that just aint right. We were sure to RSVP a room in the hospital for Andrew, because he likely needed quadruple bypass surgery after his veins were soaked in grease. Heck, the man just munched away over 160% of his daily fat in take in two hours. Rubis had enough salt in his system to bring any normal person to their knees. The pizza contained a whopping 267% of his daily sodium intake. Simply unbelievable, I know. Ladies and gentleman, there are men, and then there’s Andrew Rubis. The Cleveland native is just a 6-foot-3 pizza devouring machine. That pizza simply didn’t stand a chance. Most people would’ve puked in his situation, but not to worry, the whole pie rested gently in his black hole of a stomach. Rubis may have gotten more than his fair share of daily fat intake, but not to worry, he prevailed victorious in the battle because the pizza also contained more than 100% of his daily iron. Heck, who needs those Flintstones vitamins when you have Papa John’s people. Start the campaign now!
That was a great bet, but folks, I’m here to tell you about another challenge that is so large, that it just stretches beyond the stratosphere of planet Earth and into a galaxy unknown. As I set foot in the local Burger King here in Athens, Ohio last weekend, one particular item caught my eye. I was stunned beyond belief when I saw there was such a creation as the Triple Whopper with cheese. Three beef patties that just create a mountain of a meal for somebody to consume. Me and my buddy Curtis were just laughing hysterically at how big the burger would be. Then the light just went off. We’re in college and let’s face it, college kids do an innumerable amount of stupid things. Well this idea may be one of them, but we’re going to have an incredible time documenting it. Ladies and gentlemen, I’m pleased to announce the Triple Whopper Challenge that will be taking place at our very own Burger King here in Athens, Ohio. Manned up by yours truly, this challenge is just not for any man, but I’ll be recruiting some of Ohio University’s students to see if they can indeed devour a Triple Whopper loaded with onions, pickles, cheese, ketchup, mayo, you name it it’s gonna be on the burger. Another key part of the challenge is finishing a king size fry and a king size cola of their choice with the meal. Some people may say all that food would make them puke and that brings me to a critical rule of the challenge, contestants are not allowed to puke for a whole hour after the meal has been finished, or else they have to pay for their meal. The winner is the person who finishes the most food or finishes their meal first. Winner gets the grand prize of not having to pay for their meal.
I’m currently busy rounding up contestants and talking things over with the management here, but I can assure you that the Triple Whopper Challenge will definitely happen and when it does, Sportsrant.com will have the exclusive inside scoop on the devouring devastation that’s taking place.
Drop him an e-mail at wadepeery@yahoo.com
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